Imbalance Of Truth
by gatehead81
Summary: A physical whump for Jack and an emotional one for Sam. Set after Continuum Jack and Sam are finally together, but is all as it should be? Join our intrepid duo as they figure out just what it means to be equally unequal. High end T rating. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Started this one last year but got really, really stuck. Then life happened and I had to give up writing for a while. Never did quite get back into the groove of this one but it's close enough to finished to start posting. Probably just a few chapters in all over the next few weeks. (got a hectic schedule at the mo.)**

****This is not intended to be medically accurate, so don't be jumping on my technicalities, I made them up… Just enjoy the rocky ship for what it is. A bit of rollercoaster fluff with a little OC bleeding heart reveals at the end (or at least I should think that's the way it's going to go...)****

**Please let me know if the rating needs to be changed up from T. Got some sexual references and one heavy four letter curse word. Unedited as yet so may be subject to change as story develops. Please PM me if you spot any obvious errors thanks :)**

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><p><strong>Summary: A bit of a physical whump for Jack and an emotional one for Sam. Set after Continuum Jack and Sam are finally together, but is all as it should be? Join our intrepid duo as they figure out just what it means to be equally unequal. T rated. JS ship. Angst, hurt/comfort.**

IMBALANCE OF TRUTH.

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><p>Sam Carter slid down the wall, the tears flooding her. She hated herself for crying but there was no way in the world she was going to be able to stop herself now. Besides it just hurt too damned much not to. She let out a wailing sob and buried her head, it was all too much. Never would she find a way to cope with all of this, never in a million years. She was such a fool, why, why, why had she ever believed that everything would work out for her.<p>

All that sacrifice, all that waiting and the wishing and the painful yearning, all of it for nothing. For worse than nothing. For a quick impatient 'about time' fumble in the back of a truck, weeks and then months of being inseparable that turned first into bickering and then constant heated arguing and a final hard fuck in restroom of her favourite restaurant. She was so sure it would have been different once they finally were allowed to be together but the lack of boundaries had ruined everything.

As Carter and O'Neill they were dynamite. A well oiled tag-team that could conquer the most daunting of enemies without even having to speak a word out loud. They knew each other inside-out, each other's wishes, wants and dream, they were perfect together. Even the slip-ups that they had had over the years were red hot, like forbidden fire shining bright in the middle of a blackout. Three in all, three sexual encounters, each of them like nothing they had ever experienced before, each completely different and unique.

The first, near the beginning, when neither of them could contain themselves, their simple and uncomplicated desire driving them to take the risk. Next, four years later, came a week of absolute bliss when they got trapped off-world, so sure that they would never be free again that it was impossible to resist the fact that they only had each other. And the last time? No matter what happened she would always hold that one dear in her heart. A genuine coming together in the middle of the painful aftermath of losing Janet. A soft, shared, heartfelt experience at a time when they both needed to forget their world and only feel, just for a short while.

And that had been all, ten years they had fought hard against each other and now that they could finally be together it was not going to happen. There was nothing they could do, it just wasn't meant to be. Jack and Sam didn't exist. It never had. It was all a fantasy. How could they have ever really thought that without the chain of command they could be together? They were not equals, they never had been and a relationship where both parties felt threatened by the imbalance was never going to work as she had just so spectacularly discovered.

The realisation had been so simple...

"Get your coat we're going out to dinner." he said without even a by your leave.

"But Jack I really don't want to go out." She was tucked up on his sofa in a pair of slacks with a good if a little trashy novel.

"Oh pish-posh, I'm taking my gal to dinner, now let's go." he said, argument not an option.

Immediately she felt herself rise. "You're not my CO any more Jack you can't just order me to go if I don't want to." She returned to her book.

His face twisted into a frown. "I'm not trying to order you to do anything. I just wanted to surprise you that's all."

It was then that she realised he had scraped himself into some half decent clothes and gone to the bother of shaving. Maybe she was overreacting. "Fine, just give me an hour, I'll go get ready." Sluggishly she dragged herself off the sofa and sighed.

"What do you need an hour for? You look fine."

Sam's eyebrows flicked up. He hadn't even so much as looked at her. "Fine? I look fine?" She stared down at herself. She would be embarrassed to even so much as open the door in the get-up she had on.

Jack obviously heard the disbelief in her voice because he turned and gave her an appraising sweep. Desire glowed behind his eyes and he stepped close. "Sam you could wear a paper bag and you would still look hot." he wrapped her in his arms. "In fact, remember that time you did? Well it was more of a homemade leaf but..." he shrugged suggestively.

Carter ducked her head, that had been an ordeal and a half that was for sure. She remembered her embarrassment at the guys bursting through the door, hell bent on rescuing her only to discover that she was hiding behind the bed. It had taken a lot of persuading to get her to come out and when she did Daniel had almost wet himself with laughter. Jack however hadn't laughed. He recognised her vulnerability and had immediately stripped of his outer layer to let her cover herself. "Yeah well if you remember it didn't make me feel too good and that's how I feel now."

He kissed her. "Well I think you look really cute, not going out cute but sexy none the less. So go get changed, the reservation is at eight."

Sam's smiling face fell. "Eight?" she looked at her watch. "Jack, I'll never be ready in time."

"Why not, all you got to do is get changed, I left out an outfit for you."

"You left out an outfit?"

"Yeah I did."

"You did?"

"On the bed."

"On the bed?"

"Will you stop parroting everything I'm saying, that's really annoying." She had been doing that a lot lately, usually when she was on the verge of getting pissed off.

Sam's eyebrow flicked up. She was annoying? Oh this could be an interesting night.

Gently she pushed away from him. She recognised the fact that he was trying to be spontaneous but the way he'd gone about it was actually kind of galling. Silently she left him standing and headed for the bedroom that was still very much his.

That was another thing, how come it was always his house they went to. Her poor house plants were starting to get neglected and the damp patch on the ceiling was starting to reappear, like it did when she was away on extended missions. Sure his house was bigger and closer to the mountain but her house was her house and sometimes she needed her own space, her own chair...her own slacks, she tugged on the loose band of the tatty grey material that were two sizes too big. Another sigh escaped her as she figured they seemed tighter than the last time she'd worn them. This really was a bad time of the month to be trying to look sexy. All she felt was bloated and sluggish, roll on next week to get it all over and done with. She bit her lip as her mind once again jumped track. Maybe now that she was in a relationship it was time to go back on the pill, just for a little while. More than once now they had neglected to be careful and the last thing either of them needed at this stage was an accident.

Carter stopped short and stared at the bed. No way in hell she was wearing that! He had picked out a skimpy little dark-blue dress that was designed for the summer sun and needed a hell of a lot of wax to ensure that revealing wasn't doing just that. She fired it back into the closet. What was it doing here anyhow? No way she had brought it over in mid-winter. Suddenly she remembered him poking about in her room the last time they had gone over to her place. She had promised she would look after the neighbours' cat and it made sense for them to stay there. Had he taken it then? That was way out of line if he had. He must have done, the cheek of the man, there was no way they were that familiar with each other yet that he could take that kind of liberty. She wouldn't dream of going through his belongings.

She knew her face was bright red with the beginnings of true anger as she lifted first one, then another pair of jeans, none of which were anywhere near suitable and found some of her other stuff that simply didn't belong here. Like the baby-doll that Pete had bought her that she was never going to wear again and hadn't gotten round to throwing out.

"Sam are you nearly ready yet?" a voice called from the other room. Sam blinked, she had been in the room, what, the whole of thirty seconds.

"No of course I'm not! Jeez Jack give me half a chance would you!"

"Well hurry up. We..." he poked his head round the door the rest of his sentence cut short by the fact that she still wore his slacks. "You're still..."

"Yes I am. Go phone the restaurant would you, I'm going to be a while." she snapped.

He frowned deeply. "What was wrong with..."

"It's mid-winter Jack. What is that dress even doing here anyway?" she asked hotly her back turned as she fired a long flowing denim skirt, thick roll-neck top and woollen cardigan onto the bed before stripping down to her underwear.

"I thought you looked nice in it." Jack said sheepishly, kind of hurt by her abrupt rejection of what he thought was a fine choice of eveningwear. He had even set aside her sapphire earrings to match.

"Nice if I want to freeze to death!" Sam muttered to herself.

"What?" Jack asked, his temper beginning to rise. She'd been very narky lately and he didn't appreciate it.

Sam turned to face him, hands on her hips. "Do you want me to get ready or not?"

He raised his eyebrows and pulled an annoyed lip up. What kind of a stupid question was that?

"Well get the hell out of here and let me get on with it! I'll be ten minutes."

Jack found himself grumbling deeply. Despite the fact that she was standing facing him in pale pink lacy underwear, she had never seemed so unattractive to him. What was with the attitude? He'd never in his life heard her use that tone with him. All he wanted to do was take her out for a nice meal and she was giving him grief, like it was the worst chore in the world. Turning his back on her he left the room, picked up the phone and angrily punched the buttons. He shifted the reservation by half an hour and looked at his watch. They needed to be gone in twenty minutes to get there on time.

Taking a deep breath he tried to calm down. He didn't want to be the one who ruined the night. Every night for the past week had disintegrated into arguing and he had even slept in the spare room. In his own house! How she had managed to kick him out of his own bedroom he would never know, but that was never happening again!

OoO

The ride to the restaurant was a completely silent affair, Jack driving and Sam, looking terrific he had to admit, staring sullenly out of the window. "We're here." he offered quietly and she smiled at him.

Sam, now that they had arrived was determined to make a conscious effort to make this work. It was really sweet after all. It was the place he had taken her to on their first official date and he knew that she really loved it here. She waited for him to open the car door and took his hand as she stepped out. She didn't need all the sweeping chivalry but knew how much it meant to him. Out of nowhere an urge came on her and deliberately she pulled him back kissing him deeply, feeling the fire burning through her, she wanted him. Not right here, right now but soon and not in his bed. Somewhere else, somewhere unexpected and dangerous. "Were making love before we get home tonight." she whispered into his ear as another couple walked past.

Jack felt himself groan. The woman was a complete and utter minx. Why did she have to do that to him? Already he was going to have difficulty sitting comfortably while they ate. He kissed her again and let her unique scent fill the air around him. A slight breeze stole it away and he opened his eyes to see her watching him closely, love and amusement in her eyes. "We better go in." he whispered hoarsely.

The table was not as good as he would have liked being too near the kitchen door but they made do and did there best to forget about everything but each other. Neither of them bothered with any wine as Jack was driving and Sam had an early start. Things were amiable enough if not as natural as the last time they ate out. Sam felt the weight of the change heavy in her heart, things had been off for a little while now and she couldn't help but get the feeling that this was headed the way of Pete and every other guy she thought she loved. She pushed the depressing notion aside, this was Jack. She had waited a decade for him and really didn't want to think about it not working out.

Jack watched the sadness in her eyes and knew exactly how she felt. For a while now he had been in denial over the fact that the reality of finally getting everything he ever wanted was more painful than he thought it would be. Having her constantly in his home and in his life reminded him of how much he missed Charlie and the contented happiness he had felt when everything was good and he was young. It wasn't that he didn't love her, hell he had loved her from the very moment he'd set eyes on her it was just that...well he didn't actually know what it was, it was just different to how he imaged spending every moment with her would be like. "Lamb alright?" he asked into the growing silence as he attempted to get out of his own head. "My fish is good, so are these, here have a fry." he held one out for her.

"No thanks." Sam looked at the French-fry on offer and once again felt unattractive. She set her knife and fork down, she was done with eating. She watched Jack O'Neill pull a concerned face.

"Are you alright?" he asked, making her smile just a little.

"Yeah Jack I'm fine, just not all that hungry is all."

He reached out and took her hand from across the table. He had to admit he was a little worried, she had hardly ate anything at all in days, turning him down every time he was making something and only picking at her meals when she did eat. Maybe this was how she was all the time, he just wasn't around her enough to notice. It was strange how little they actually knew about each other. Strange and a little depressing. "Okay Sweetness, so long as you're sure." he told her, trying to stay upbeat.

Sam squeezed his hand. He had taken to calling her that a lot lately and it was growing on her. That and 'Sunshine'. He loved calling her that, especially in the morning right before he showed her his own little ray and they started each day in the way that any true lovers should. Even that morning after their big argument and she had gone to find him in the spare room they had passionately made love, first on the floor of the bedroom and then on the kitchen counter, with the curtains still open and the neighbours out cutting the grass. Their lovemaking had been getting more and more risqué lately, like they were both looking for the danger that they had lost with the permission to be together. Sam rose from the table giving him a look and instantly he followed her.

The mission to get into the ladies undetected had been disappointingly simple and the plush carpeted bathroom was not at all seedy. They waited until the very last moment as someone opened the door before they ducked, still heavily embracing, into one of the cubicles. They chose the middle one and fought hard to remain silent as at one stage they had company on either side of them. Sam rode out her orgasm by biting hard on her own hand and Jack silently twitched out his, the veins popping out in his neck as he held his breath for too long.

"God Sam." he declared as he removed himself from her and instantly zipped up. "That was amazing."

Sam had gone quite as she watched him. Once again she realised, just a little too late that they hadn't been careful. What was it about him that made her so stupid? Was he really that irresistible?

"You okay?" he asked her.

"Oh ah yeah. I just realised we didn't use protection that's all."

He shrugged, "But you're on the pill right?"

"Ah, no Jack I'm not." she told him, kind of pissed at the assumption.

Jack felt a cold horror running through him. "But Sam, I thought..." Silently he counted the number of times that he had ridden her bareback in just the last few weeks alone. He was so sure she would have gone straight back on that he didn't think he would have to be that careful. "That's kind of irresponsible don't you think?" The words were out before he could stop them and instantly he regretted it. She was simply glaring at him.

"Well fuck you Jack O'Neill!" she told him and tore through the cubicle door. "That's it, we're done."

"What?" Jack couldn't believe what he had just heard. Had she really just finished with him over the head of a careless statement?

Sam was absolutely furious. Never before had anyone said something so down right insulting to her. She ran at full speed through the restaurant, tears tripping her. She abandoned her coat and even her purse and stepped out into the wintery rain. A cab picked her up instantly and she fished for her emergency money that lay inside her bra...

Now she sat crying at the back of her own front door. She knew it would be no time at all till he was there knocking on her door, trying to make everything okay, but it was not okay. That last simple statement had been the difference between her believing this could work and realising it never could. Jack O'Neill could never be hers, they just didn't fit together in the way it really mattered. Sure the sex was invigorating, she clenched herself at the thought, feeling her slightly swollen inside pulse but everything else was wrong. It shouldn't be but it was. She let out a long sigh and hauled herself up. She had to lock all her doors or she knew he would just waltz on in. He wasn't going to be allowed to do that anymore.

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><p><strong>AN: Hang it there, that's the argument over. Something unexpected in a few days when I get finished with work. Please let me know what you think.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Okay, I suppose Merry xmas is in order for those that celebrate, for everyone else wishes and good health :)**

** Chapter 2, I'm not going to say much about this one, just read and review (if ya feel like it). As with ch1 unedited yet and may be subject to change as storyline developes... any major errors, let me know ;) **

**Oh and I suppose it's worth warning you that I have a small Lam/Cam thing going, not that that really has anything to do with this story but it's worth mentioning as I know a lot of people hate that ****cliche...**

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><p>Jack O'Neill never did arrive at Sam's door and the next morning she awoke even more depressed and confused than ever. Had he really just given up on her, just like that? Now that she had time to cool off she was less certain that she could just walk away. Maybe he had known better than to try and follow her, maybe he had needed his own space as much as she did. She turned over and stared at the ceiling. Her heart twinged as her eye found the damp patch. Morosely she stared at it thinking about why they always seemed to end up arguing, it didn't make sense. Was it just because she could finally say no to him and he didn't like it? Or was she being over-sensitive to anything that might seem like a command? She simply didn't know and if they were going to be together she would need to work it out.<p>

The phone rang and instantly she grabbed for it, noticing that it was only six thirty. "Jack, listen I'm sorry I-"

"It's not Jack." A familiar voice cut through the beginnings of her apology.

"Daniel?" She was sitting up, heart hammering, was the rest of her her team alright?

"Yeah Sam, listen something has happened."

"Are Cam and Vala alright?"

"They are both fine, still off-world with SG-7. It's not that but I do need you to come in to the SGC right away. Teal'c is on his way over to pick you up."

Sam sighed, feeling pressured, whatever technical problem they had couldn't be that vital, work could wait. Fixing things with Jack was more important. She pinched the bridge of her nose and swung her feet over the edge of the bed. "Daniel I-"

"No Sam. I don't want to tell you over the phone, please just get ready and come in. Teal'c should be with you soon."

There was something in his tone that put her on edge. Something she had only ever heard once before. Only once when Jack disappeared over a ravine and they thought they had lost him. "Sam?" Daniel asked into the prolonged silence.

"What happened?" she asked. She knew now that something definitely had. "What happened to Jack." her voice disappeared as she spoke.

Daniel hesitated on the other end. "It was an accident. Late last night, I really don't want to say anything more over the phone, please Sam."

She understood, she just had one more question and her heart nearly burst at the mere thought of it. She closed her eyes and forced the words out thin and soft. "Is he alive?"

Again the silence spoke volumes. "Yeah Sam, he is." That was it, that was all Daniel uttered and Sam knew it was not good. Unable to take anymore she hung up the phone and absently set it back on its cradle. So that was why he hadn't come over to try to fix things. Suddenly she was panicking, what if he didn't make it? She needed to be with him. She grabbed up one of her dirty socks and shoved it on, the other was missing so she reached for another from her drawer. It was navy blue and the one she had on cream but she didn't care, like matching sock were important and a time like this.

She had just thrown on her coat and lifted her car keys when Teal'c arrived. "Thank God." she breathed and flung the door open. She froze at the resigned look on his face. "What happened?" It was a desperate plea that burst out of her unbidden and the Jaffa pulled up short before taking a final step to be within touching distance of his close friend.

Teal'c voice was soft and low as he answered the pain filled question. "It was an automotive accident. Much more information we do not have at this stage. Simply that a stranger found his car and called the authorities. When he was identified he was moved to the SGC where General Landry began the process of informing us."

Sam hadn't heard anything beyond the beginning of her friend's heartfelt explanation. A car accident? It was because of her. It had to be.

"Come Samantha." Teal'c said gently and placed a hand on her upper arm.

Obediently Sam moved forward but at the car door she paused again. "Where was he headed?" she asked, looking deep into a set of rather troubled eyes.

"I do not know." came the simple uncomplicated answer. "He is unable to tell us at this juncture." Teal'c qualified.

Sam nodded, the fear and panic rising again. She crumpled into the passenger seat and disappeared into herself as Teal'c drove them away from her front door.

oOo

The infirmary level was busy but things got quieter as they approached the ICU section of the mountain. Daniel rose from the chair as they entered. He was blocking her view of the bed and trying hard to capture her attention. "Sam, you're here." he said gently, stepping towards her.

"Now, Colonel Carter." Sam blinked in surprise, it was Doctor Lam's voice, she had not noticed the smaller woman at her side. "It's pretty bad I've got to warn you. You may not recognise him at first."

'What do you mean?' The words wouldn't come but Carolyn understood and began to explain slowly. "He is well bandaged up. You see General O'Neill has some severe facial lacerations, it seems he..." her words jarred in her throat.

"I got it." Daniel intoned, saving the doctor from her clinical explanation.

"Thank you." she whispered, deeply relieved. She cared so much for these people that she had felt she had no choice but to hide behind protocol lest she herself collapse. Where was Cam when you needed him?

"He wasn't wearing a seatbelt Sam."

"No." Sam shook her head. "That's not true, he always wears his seatbelt."

"Not this time." Daniel had his hands placed on her rigid shoulders, she trembled under his touch. "They found him a good distance away from the car, Sam. He's...he's..." Daniel fought hard.

Carter finally found the strength to look her traumatised friend in the eye. What she saw there re-awoke the cold dread that she feared more than anything. "He's what Daniel?"

"It's bad Sam. It's really bad."

Suddenly Sam couldn't wait. She pushed past Daniel and ran to the bed. "Oh my God!" her hands came up over her mouth. "Are you...are you even..." she couldn't say it.

"It's him Colonel." Carolyn said firmly.

"But..." Sam needed to check for herself. Quickly she swept her fingers in along his chest, searching for his dog-tags.

Doctor Lam's voice was soft as she spoke. "They're beside the bed." Sam reached for them. "When they found him..."

Sam didn't want to hear anymore so she stopped listening. She sat down and ran a single finger over the bandages on his face near the ventilation mask. Her fingers went through his hair, she felt lumps, lacerations and tiny slivers of glass under her fingers. "Why is his hair not washed?" she asked glancing at the tiny cut on the tip of her finger.

"Um what?" Daniel didn't understand why she sounded so bitter.

Sam looked accusingly at all of the room and repeated her question. "Do you really think he would want to be lying here with glass still in his hair? Get me his comb, I want to sort this out."

Carolyn put a quieting hand on Daniel's arm. 'No' she shook her head 'let her be.' her eyes said.

In the absence of a comb or any movement to go get one Sam returned to Jack and began picking individual pieces of glass from his hair. It seemed greyer than she had ever remembered it and ever piece of the accident that she removed brought her closer to tears.

She had no idea how long she worked but they had come and fussed around him twice, changing his IV bag and pushing buttons on the machine that was effectively keeping him alive. She had sat by his side on any given number of occasions but now that they were together everything she felt was ten thousand times magnified. Abruptly her task was complete and for the first time she found herself looking at him. "Jack?" she asked. "What have you done?"

But he couldn't answer her, all that happened was his machine beeped in the quiet void of her unanswered question.

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><p><strong>AN: Actually I'm going to leave it there. I was going to post the other half of this chapter today but I think it should wait till tomorrow (or maybe the next day depending on post festive hangover status). I know that's probably really annoying but I'm sorry folks :) update soon I promise...<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Okay, okay it's open season on happiness (apparently) so here's another little bit...enjoy :)**

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><p>Lieutenant General J. O'Neill was flying through the air.<p>

He felt himself go weightless, like being in zero-G's then he was falling. He closed his eyes and tried to prepare for the impact but there wasn't enough time...

And then there was nothing...

That nothingness seemed to stretch out into infinity. He never knew it was possible to be so aware of the lack of anything, but maybe that awareness meant something? He couldn't be sure, his mind didn't work that way anymore, nothing worked anymore. He was...drifting...

Somewhere, something familiar tugged on him, trying to pull him back from wherever he was but it was comfortable here. Back there meant pain and suffering and struggling just to exist, but here in the white there was peace, there was freedom, there was no pain, no fighting, there was...nothing.

"Jack?" it insisted. What did it want? What was it? "Please!" The insistence became clearer but still it had no meaning, no coherent being. He had no being to collect and collate it with, it was simply a line of distortion in the white.

More came about him causing his world to streak with grey, slashing through his peace. Annoyed he turned towards it and bid himself concentrate. It was almost impossible to do so but something, somewhere told him he had to and gradually he released himself to it, relearning how to listen. "You can't leave me now, I love you." Still it didn't mean anything but the hand did, he remembered contact. Fingers gripped his own, reminding him of his own self, that he was real and there was more.

Slowly but surely he built up a thin layer of awareness and when his own hand was raised up and touched soft lips he knew he needed to try harder. Someone was waiting for him...

Time distorted itself again and again making him fight.

His struggle became a battle and it was when those lips, maybe not for the first time, came to the edge of his own that he rejoined the world. A lone syllable hung on his breath. "Sam?" he uttered, croaky and harsh, unable even to open his eyes.

"Jack? Oh my god, Jack, can you hear me?"

He wanted to answer her but he was so tired. 'I'm here.' he told her but she couldn't hear him because he couldn't speak.

"Please Jack, squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

It took all of the effort that he had but finally he managed to move just one of his fingers.

"Carolyn, Carolyn!" Sam shouted. "He's waking up!"

"Jack? Come on Honey, wake up. You're safe here, come back to me." Sam frantically ran her hands over the bandages on his face, down along his neck and over the almost healed bruising on his chest and arms. She kissed him again and he seemed to respond. "Please, please." she begged into his ear and his monitor beeped. One single, erratic motion that gave her more hope than she'd ever had in her life. "You're so close Jack, keep coming, I'm right here."

Then Carolyn was there, speaking and distracting her. "Can I get in to have a look Sam?"

'No.' Sam's mind protested but the doctor had already removed her and she was bereft of his touch.

"That's it General, steady now. Good."

It was not the face Jack expected to see and he closed his eyes against the brightness, his lips worked and she was speaking again.

"Sam's right here General, see?"

It was with epic effort that Jack forced his eyes open again and was rewarded with a shining pair of bright blue orbs not inches from his face. He tried to smile at the love and the concern he witnessed but his lids were heavy again. "Here baby drink this." the familiar voice told him and on reflex he swallowed as the water passed through his lips and into his mouth. It tasted like life itself and contented with what he got he drifted back to sleep.

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><p><strong>AN: Right. So def gonna be a couple of days because I missed something important that I need to weave into the next chapter and need to get my brain back in order to fill in the gaps...all dinnered out at the mo. Half my house is sleeping the other half (including me) is right royally pisheded...hic :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Time to wake up, I think. Just a little touch of a side story running for fodder really, and I suppose a reason for not having some key characters about. Oh and I forgot for a moment in time and called Dr Lam Frasier a few times, hopefully I managed to pick up on all of them and change her name back. Let me know if I didn't get them all, but of a doozie that one eh? doh! And once again a reminder about the medical stuff, I put like no effort into checking up on the accuracy of it so, just swallow it whole okay? ;P**

* * *

><p>It had been three days since Jack O'Neill had opened his eyes but things were looking up. All of his vitals were improving and the crash-cart had been taken away from his bedside. Sam knew it was just down the hall but the fact that Doctor Lam had felt confident enough to remove it from the room told the intelligent Colonel everything she needed to know.<p>

For the last two weeks Sam Carter had not left his side with the exception of the half hour when she herself had a medical appointment. Every day she rubbed down his lingering bruises with ointment and asked about when the bandages could come off his face. Every day she was told not yet, that the risk of infection was too great. Every day she talked to Jack telling him what was going on all around them, especially since he had briefly opened his eyes. She had convinced herself that he could hear every word and so she told him how important he was to her and to everyone else on the base. She read to him, she scolded him, she gently encouraged him, hell once when she was sure she was completely alone she sang to him, but even that hadn't brought him round. After her scratchy version of Nightminds by Missy Higgins she was sure he was probably never going to come round again. It would be the last time she ever tried that that was for sure.

Daniel and Teal'c visited often but they had been pulled back onto the off-world rota, Cam and Vala were MIA and it was up to them to find them. Sam had felt very torn over staying with Jack but General Landry had insisted, telling her that she would be ineffective in the field with her current level of distraction. Inwardly she agreed with him but on the surface she had protested. "Colonel Mitchell and Vala Mal Doran are very resourceful people Colonel Carter, stay here where you are needed." he had told her by way of an order and Sam was relieved. Jack's bedside was the only place she wanted to be right now.

"Come on Jack, this is getting boring don't you know. You can't sleep forever." Gently she stroked his hair not really expecting a result. "If you're not careful I'll get my Dad to come and sort you out with a healing device. Then you'll owe him...again. And I know how much you hate being in debt to the Tok'ra. They'll probably make you, make all of us carry out some dangerous half-baked plan that you will think is stupid."

"Tok'ra plans are always stupid." Jack croaked, his eyes still closed, slowly he opened them and grimaced against the light.

"Jack, Jack, oh thank god, Jack, can you hear me?"

"Of course I can, you're right there." O'Neill for the life of him couldn't figure out what all the fuss was about. Then he tried to move and every inch of him hurt. He screwed up his face. "Ow!"

"Just lie still, I'll go get Doctor Lam, just stay there." and with that she was gone leaving him completely confused.

"Carter?" he asked into the quiet room. "Ya could have at least got me some water first." Jack blinked as his eyes became accustomed to the light. Foolishly he attempted to move and was rewarded with shooting pains up and down his right side. He hissed aloud "Oh god! What the hell happened to me?" He tried to think for a moment but there was nothing but the darkness.

"General O'Neill, good to see you finally awake." Carolyn Lam's voice broke through his concentration. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got run over. What happened to me?"

"Well General that's not actually too far from the truth, but first things first. I need to check your pupil reaction." Jack protested the sudden light intrusion that hurt the back of his eyeballs. "Good. Now, I was wondering if you could press against my hand with your left foot." It was only then that Jack noticed she had moved to the bottom of the bed, his view of her now completely restricted by the neck brace. "Excellent, and now the right?"

"Mother of...argh!"

"What, what's the matter Jack?" Sam moved in close and Jack clutched out at her with his left hand.

"That, really, hurts!"

Carolyn let out a sigh of relief. "Well believe it or not General that is a good thing."

"It so is not!" he forced out between clenched teeth.

Carter smiled down at him. "Actually Jack it really is. You hit your head and hurt your neck, we we're worried that you might not be able to move at all. Pain is a positive sign, it means that you are..." emotional relief swallowed up her sentence.

"Still alive?"

"Exactly." she whispered.

Jack took just a moment to study Carter's face. There was a lot more passion there than he ever remembered seeing, it seemed to be reaching an inappropriate level. Then he realised she was holding onto his hand. Frowning he tugged himself free and tried to settle himself a little.

Sam's face fell. "What's the matter Jack?"

"Why are you calling me Jack, Colonel Carter? It's General to you."

What happened next gave Lieutenant General Jack O'Neill the biggest shock of his life. His ever dependable and always reliable Colonel burst into tears and fled from the room. Speechless he looked out the door after her until it swung shut, then his eye ran to the Doctor who was now looking more concerned than ever. "What's the last thing you can remember?" she asked him but he was a little too stunned to answer straight away.

"Gee, I don't know...Snake-heads, lots of them, all the same, Ba'al. But that was a while ago. Then we killed them...um...the extraction ceremony! I shouted lunch, Carter wore a dress, a navy blue one. It was summer. It is summer, almost July in fact." Jack looked at the doctor expectantly, that had been hard work but he was sure he had got it right.

"Ok-ay, anything else?"

Jack pondered for a moment. "No that's it." he said confidentially. "Until I ended up here that is, what happened?"

Carolyn Lam pulled up a seat beside her patient. Carefully she thought about where she should begin. "You had an accident. You crashed your car, do you remember any of that?"

"No." Jack felt his agitation levels beginning to rise. "I don't remember Doc, did I hurt anybody? Where are Daniel and Teal'c?"

The heart monitor he was hooked up to began to beep frantically. "Calm down General, here drink this before I continue." Carolyn offered her patient a glass of iced water, the straw pointed towards him. After a moment's hesitation he accepted but all the time his eyes watched her for more information. "No one else was hurt. You were alone in the car General. From what we can gather you lost control and hit a tree. The impact catapulted you out through the windscreen where a local resident found you and called 911."

"I what? I don't lose control. Especially not of it's a lousy old car! You're wrong about that Doc. I fly at supersonic speeds across the entire galaxy, I don't make that kind of mistake." Jack was so sure of his assertion that he felt he was being lied to.

Carolyn hesitated, she did not want to upset him. "It wasn't entirely your fault." she placated. "There was ice on the road, some kids had been playing and frozen the street, there was no way you could have-"

"There was no ice, it's summer. Tell me the truth, what really happened after the extraction ceremony?" Jack was shouting now and it was causing him great physical pain but he didn't care about that. What if none of this was real, what if this was all a plot by Ba'al?

"There was ice Ja- General." Sam spoke quietly from the doorway where she had been listening. It had taken her only a moment to get over the shock of Jack not remembering and then she had made her way back, the need to be with him far outweighing any hurt she felt. "The extraction ceremony was six months ago, it's now December."

"Colonel Carter." Dr Lam warned.

"It's better that he knows Carolyn." Sam moved further into the room, her arms wrapped defensively round herself. "You said that yourself, right? Not five days ago. You said it was highly likely that he wouldn't remember and that we should help him."

"Yes but one thing at a time Sam." Carter nodded, acknowledging the doctor's words and her level of experience. Quickly she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Five days ago?" Jack felt very displaced, maybe this was real after all. "How long have I been out for?"

The two women looked at the man on the bed. Sam waited for the doctor to take the lead. "It's been fifteen days since the accident General. Ten days ago we took you off the ventilator after the initial swelling and inflammation went down, three days ago you opened you eyes for the first time. We've been waiting for you to do it again ever since. The fact that you have woken up completely and so suddenly is a very positive sign. It proves that the swelling on your brain is receding rapidly. Although it probably accounts for why you can't remember things in you immediate past. We'll do some tests but I don't see any reason why it shouldn't get better with a little more time." Carolyn stopped to make sure he was getting it all.

"So it's like amnesia?" he asked.

"That's exactly it Jack." Sam stepped close and tried to take his hand. "A lot has happened in the last six months, including you retiring and us getting together." She knew that was a lot of information in one sentence but she couldn't contain herself.

"Really?" Jack couldn't quite believe that. Firstly he smiled and then realising something he sighed and frowned deeply. "This is a dream." He pulled himself free of her fingertips and rubbed his eyes. "I mean you and me? It's got to be a dream."

Carolyn and Sam took a moment to exchange a glance. "Does it feel like a dream General? The pain I mean."

Well there was a piece of doctor's logic for you. "No it most certainly does not. Can I get something for this by the way, it's not making it too easy to think."

"Right away General." She pushed to her feet. "You alright here for a moment Sam?"

"Sure." Carter nodded.

"Great, I'll be back in just a few minutes, give you guys some space." she whispered.

Jack waited for a moment after the doctor left, then he looked at the worn-down woman that had sunk into the chair by his bedside. "You look terrible Carter. Have you been here the whole time?"

"Gee thanks for that." Sam rolled her eyes a little. "I've been here for two weeks, ever since the morning I got the phone call." Once more she took his hand, this time he let her.

"And Carter?" Part of him didn't want to ask the next question, what if he had heard wrong? He also knew that his focus should be on more pressing issues like the fact he couldn't feel his feet but he needed to know. "We...um...are we really together?"

She laughed a little. "Yeah Jack we are. And you don't call me Carter anymore."

"No." Jack's eyebrows bounced with interest. "What do I call you then?"

Carter ducked her head. " 'Sam' mostly, 'Sweetness' sometimes and even 'Sunshine' on a rare occasion."

" 'Sunshine?' I can see that." Jack grinned at the woman before him. "Did I, did I tell you how beautiful you are?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes Jack you did." Sam felt herself blushing. "Many, many times actually."

"Good because you are." he squeezed her hand, he was already fully at home with the idea of being with her...even if he had no memory of it but it also meant only one thing. "So I'm retired?" he asked a little disbelievingly. Sam simply nodded. "Huh, well that's good. Did we ah, did we last the mandatory twenty-four hours from when the letter was officially accepted?"

The redness on Carter's skin took on a whole new hue as her body reacted to the memory. "Um, not exactly. We tried but we only made it as far as your truck in the parking lot."

"Oh, that's not very romantic. Kinda disappointing actually."

"Not really." Sam glanced up through her lashes at him and it was his turn to flush a little. "So!" she stated decisively before things became awkward.

"So." he echoed.

"You've had us all quite worried. Daniel and Teal'c will be glad to know you are awake. They've been here a lot but are both off-world at the moment. They'll be back tomorrow though..." Sam decided it was best not to burden him with the news that they were on a rescue mission, not yet anyhow. "Lots of people have been in to see you, Walter even stopped by..."

Exhausted, Jack let his attention slowly fade out as she fell into an unbroken monologue. "Sam?" he interrupted after a while. "What are these?"

Carter's breath stuck in her throat. He was gently fingering the white bandages stuck to the sides of his face and neck. She had been dreading this moment from the very beginning, that is why she had hoped they would have been removed by now. "Erm." She swallowed hard and moved her chair closer to him. "Well, when you had your accident your face and head sustained a fair amount of trauma. At first we thought it was from the windshield but that was not the case. Daniel went to the crash site. It seems you went straight through a picket fence and then..." she struggled for a moment. "And then through the side panel of a greenhouse. How you didn't cut your own throat nobody knows, but you have got some serious lacerations to contend with." Carter couldn't hold his eye any longer.

"Permanent lacerations?" he asked quietly.

Sam nodded again. "Most likely."

"But nothing that can't be fixed up with a small amount of cosmetic surgery no doubt." Carolyn voiced optimistically from the doorway. "One thing at a time. Firstly, here is your pain relief."

Jack, not wanting to think about having permanent scars jumped on the distraction. "Nice." he grinned and watched intently as the needle entered the plastic tubing.

"It'll probably put you to sleep again but I think you've had enough excitement for one day."

"But Doc, I only just woke up, I don't want to..."

The medication was fast acting and effective, before he got half his sentence finished he was out for the count. "Well." said the doctor.

"Well." said Sam hoarsely.

"It seems his recovery is going to take a while, you sure you're up to it?"

"Yeah Carolyn, I am. It's not like I really have a choice, what with everything." Carter's fingers drifted from the bed and she wrapped her cardigan tighter about herself. "Besides I love him."

Doctor Lam dropped her hand sympathetically onto her friend's shoulder. "You should go get some rest. That will keep him out till morning. You need to look after yourself too you know."

"You too." Carter responded automatically and with genuine care and for a completely different reason. "Any word from the off-world teams?"

"Not yet."

Sam's heart went out to the small dark haired doctor. "They'll find him Carolyn, the Tok'ra are helping now too. I sent Dad the info I was working on with regards to the strange energy readings. It won't be much longer, I promise."

"Thanks Sam. I just wish I shared your confidence."

Sam rose from her seat. "Oh come on Carolyn, look how many time SG-1 has gone MIA in the past. It's been what, just over a week?"

"Ten days, same day we took the General off the ventilator."

Carter paled at the memory of that long moment before he began breathing on his own. Quickly she forced it to the side and smiled brightly at her friend who was in need of reassurance. "Exactly, that's no time at all, last time I went missing it was for over a month. General Landry won't give up that quickly, you should know that better than anyone."

Carolyn smiled. "No you are right. That stubborn old goat will probably get himself pushed out of his post sooner than give up on Cam and Vala. Speaking of stubborn old goats I'd better go appraise him of the latest developments with General O'Neill or I'll be the one looking for a new post. Him being my father will not change the fact that he is a stickler for the rules."

"You're right there. I'll see you later Carolyn. I'm going to take your advice and go get some rest." Tenderly she kissed Jack's forehead and watched him for a moment.

"Eat something first Sam, you'll sleep better." Carolyn advised as she guided her friend out into the hall.

"Yes Doctor." Sam smiled and headed for the elevator. For the first time in weeks, months even she was sure everything was going to be okay. Jack was awake and yeah while he wasn't perfect he was pretty damned good and that was good enough for her.

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><p><strong>AN: Hope that was okay. Next update in a few days at the latest :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Okay so this is where I picked up from last year and it's just a small bridging chapter that helped me find my flow again. **

**A few weeks have passed, Jack is still in hospital and his progress is slow...might that make him just a tad frustrated?**

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><p>"I can't bloody well do this!" Jack chucked the crutch away and grabbed the physio rail. Man he hated re-learning to walk. It was the most tedious and frustrating thing he had ever had to do in his life and this was only day one out of the water.<p>

"It's only been a few weeks General O'Neill. You know this is going to take time."

"I don't have that kind of time. I'm retired, I want to get on with my life!"

The sarcasm was endless and Jake Patterson the Academy Hospitals youngest physiotherapist was at the end of his tether. Now he knew now why he had been the one landed with the Airforce's most notorious soon to be outpatient. "General, if you'll just..." he bent down and picked up the wayward crutch.

"Retired, remember? And if you come back near me with that thing so help me I'll shove it up your ass!"

"O'Neill. That is no way to address the man who is trying to assist you with your recovery." Teal'c marched into the room and removed the crutch from the young man's hands. "May I?" he asked out of mock politeness.

"Be my guest." muttered Patterson.

"O'Neill, you will take this and you will rise from that chair that you now have placed yourself in."

"I will not." Jack huffed.

"You shall, for it is not so long ago that you provided this very same service for me also."

"Disservice more like." Jack refused to look up, why couldn't they just leave him alone to feel sorry for himself?

"I too viewed your insistence a disservice. Now rise."

"No." Jack felt his anger boil. He wanted nothing more than to hit his best friend right now.

Teal'c read the thoughts that crossed his features. "O'Neill if it is that you wish to strike me first you must rise out of that chair."

Jack looked at the crutch and then up at the jaffa. "Fine." he snatched at the proffered item. Jaffa's were too stubborn for their own good sometimes he would get up and clout him. Then he recalled how he had goaded Teal'c out of his chair just a few years back. Sighing he begrudgingly placed his weight onto the crutch. No way he was getting out of this one saying as how Teal'c obviously viewed the whole thing as repaying a debt, so he might as well get on with it. "But if we're going to do this we are going to do it right. Give me the other crutch."

"General I wouldn't advise..."

"Give it to me!" Jack yelled making the young doctor jump. Timidly he passed the light piece of metal to the intensely displeased looking giant with the gold emblem.

Teal'c turned his back on the boy who would be in charge and began to prepare his friend. "You will make one full transition along the side of the beam and back again. I shall be alongside if you falter. Trust in me."

"I do T-man, but I ain't gonna falter. I can do this, I know I can."

"It is you that says it." Teal'c stood back from his friend and after a moment of hesitation Jack O'Neill made his first shaky attempts at walking since the nerve endings in his neck, shoulders and spine took the biggest hammering of their lives.

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><p><strong>AN: Like I said short one, the next one is longer and more involved as we draw slightly closer to the end. I might post it later tonight if I get the chance to edit it even a little. Still got the feeling that something major is missing about this whole affair...no doubt I'll figure it out :) As ever, really enjoying your feedback guys, it makes me smile :)<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Time to move back into the emotional playing field. A little soft and perhaps OC-ish but they gotta talk, right? **

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><p>Sam was nervous. Today was the day that the last of Jack's bandages came off. As soon as he was done with physio he would be coming here to see Doctor Jonson his consultant about how permanent the scarring would be and then she was finally taking him home, the house was finally modified for his wheelchair. That, she suddenly realised was why she was chewing on the end of her fingernails.<p>

Jack's temper had been foul this last few days and when they got home she was going to be the one who wore the brunt of his frustrations. Maybe he wouldn't be so bad when he could get a full night's sleep without being poked and prodded at. At least he could remember everything again now, that would certainly make things less awkward. Well it seemed he could. Neither of them had mentioned the argument in the restaurant that had lead to her storming off and him having his accident. Sam's stomach flipped, how could she ever live with that. She had done this to him. It was all her fault. He was disfigured for life and she was the one who had caused it. If he hadn't been so upset he never would have been driving so fast and he never would have crashed. Why he had no seatbelt on she still didn't know and maybe never would. Biting her lip her mind wandered to the other consequence of their rash actions. That was a secret she would be keeping to herself for a good while yet, there was too much at stake, to much pressure on them both to allow him to carry that news around too. What if it was something he really, really didn't want?

She was pacing back and forwards across the floor when Jack wheeled himself into the waiting room. Silently he watched her for a moment until she noticed his arrival.

"He-ey." she said and smiled.

"Hey." he said back as he returned the grin. "What'cha thinkin' about?"

"Oh nothing, just mentally preparing dinner that's all." she lied.

"Um, not a chance, no!"

"No?" Carter felt herself flutter, had she been that obvious?

"No you're not cooking. Or at least I'm not eating it if you do. I'd rather have MRE's thank you very much. Remember that time you burned the hot water?"

He'd been doing that for days. Since his memory had returned he'd felt the need to prove himself by picking up on little pieces of minutiae that most people would have forgotten or deemed irrelevant. Sometimes he joked around and made stuff up just to test her.

"Oh ha, ha, very funny. Never in my life did I burn hot water."

Jack wheeled himself closer, which was an act in itself that was somewhat reckless given what he was about to say. "You did too, you forgot about it and it all evaporated and you burned the bottom out of the saucepan."

Suddenly remembering the event Sam playfully swiped at him. "That is not burning hot water and you said you would watch it, but you were too busy watching your stupid football game."

"I so did not! And football is not stupid." He pointed a finger at her for emphasis.

"You did! I shouted in to you and you said 'yeah, yeah sure, that's fine' and I left you too it."

"O-oh. Is that what you said, you see I so wasn't listening." Jack flashed his most mischievous grin, hoping it would score him some brownie points.

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" Sam batted him on the left shoulder. His right side still hurt too much to take even that light amount of pressure.

"Hey stop that. Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to hit a man in a wheelchair? Where are your manners?"

"Fine, you can play that card all you want but that hot water admission only means one thing...no pie for you." It was her turn to grin mischievously.

"Oh come on Sam, that's just cruel. It's my first night at home, there's got to be pie." Jack wheeled himself after Sam as she stubbornly walked over to the window and huffily looked out. He knew she was only kidding so he decided to play on it a little longer. "Come on Sweetness, you know how much I love your baking, don't hold out on me." he wheedled.

Sam felt her resolve slipping as he tugged gently on the edges of her sweater, she couldn't help it, this was the way it had been right at the very beginning, when they had first got together. "Okay _Gen-eral_." she hung all sorts of emphasis on the word. "If you want pie you are going to have to work for it." She turned in his arms until she was facing him, his hands resting on her hips. It was the most intimate they had been since the accident and it was having a really profound effect on her.

"Did I mention that you're beautiful?" he offered, giving her his most adoring look.

Sam's eye came down to trace the bandages on his face. "And you, are amazing." She genuinely meant it. How he didn't blame her she would never know. Maybe it was something they needed to talk about, maybe it was something better left alone? She'd need to think about that a little more, maybe even talk to Daniel about it.

"Give me a kiss." Jack asked breaking through her musing.

"Now?"

"Yeah now. I've been wanting to ask you for ages but..." O'Neill suddenly felt inexplicably shy, like he was fifteen all over again.

Sam dropped closer and leant her forehead against his, there she waited for him to take the initiative.

Slowly Jack brought the kiss to fruition, it felt like the first time, even though it clearly wasn't. Every inch of him began to warm up and he was beginning to get the answer to one question about his recovery that had been worrying him. Tentatively he sought out the soft silky skin where she was stretched over, his fingers trailing from just above her belt to the central dip that was the small of her back.

"Jack." she whispered, shaking her head. "Not here, this is not the time." Reluctantly she straightened up.

Sighing he brought his fingers back round onto the outer edges of her hips. Gently he traced them further towards her front. Abruptly she jerked away from him, taking his hands in her own. "What?" he asked instantly concerned.

"Not the time I told you. Can I get past you?" she was starting to feel a little panicked. She had almost allowed him to make a huge discovery that really needed to wait until they both felt a little more secure within themselves. Things had been getting really bad for them just before the accident.

Casually Jack rolled back a bit and let her past him. "It was just a bit of fun Sam. I mean it's not like I was going to want to do anything. I just...need the distraction I suppose." he admitted.

Still spooked by her own thoughts Sam spun on her heels. "So I'm a distraction am I?" immediately she regretted the unbidden acidic quip and wished she could take it back, he looked so hurt.

"That's not what...I..." he just shook his head.

"I know, I'm sorry Honey, I guess I'm just a little touchy is all. This is a big day after all." She came over and knelt in front of him. He needed her and they both knew it. "You nervous?" she asked tracing one of the red angry wound that had already been revealed on his face the day before. The action was her way of letting him know that she understood and it also gave him permission to not say the words out loud.

It went against everything that he was but slowly he nodded. Jack O'Neill did not admit weakness, but with Sam it was different, he trusted her, probably more than he trusted himself. "I don't care for me, but what if...what if you..." he couldn't finish the sentence.

"What if I don't find you attractive anymore? Sweetie, that is never going to happen. What is important is who you are and that won't ever change." Now was the perfect time to reaffirm her feelings out loud she decided and so she pursued her thought. "You do know that I love you don't you?"

Jack felt himself relaxing. He nodded sincerely. "I know that Sam and you know I feel the same." He watched the sparkle in her eyes and it spurned him on to give just a little more. "That's exactly what I mean when I tell you you are beautiful." he confessed feeling awkward, this really wasn't his favourite kind of thing.

Sam gave Jack a single kiss. "I know that Honey, I've known that since the first time you ever said it."

"But that was years ago."

"Exactly."

For a long moment Jack O'Neill stared at the love of his life realising how deeply he actually felt for her and how much he wanted to be there for her no matter what.

As she smiled it dawned on him that 'no matter what' meant that he was going to have to be the one who depended on her over the next while. Maybe even for longer than he cared to admit. The specialists still couldn't say whither or not he would make a full recovery. He needed to know if that was going to be fair on her. Hesitantly he began to raise the question. "Sam, I need to know that you are going to be okay with-"

He didn't get any further as his clearly busy specialist appeared through his surgery door. "Alright General O'Neill, lets get you inside and see what we can do about minimising these scars eh?" Doctor Jonson looked up from his clipboard. "Oh sorry I'm not interrupting am I?"

"No." said Sam rising quickly to her feet. "Not at all. We'll talk about this later Jack. I'll be waiting here, as usual, when you're done." She smiled, though something was missing in it.

Jack shook his head, he had made a decision. "No. Come in with me."

Sam momentarily blinked. "You sure?"

"Of course." Jack offered Sam his hand and she took it. If he was going to have to lean on her then he needed to begin to include her in everything that was going on. Quietly they made there way into the doctor's office to see what would come next.

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><p><strong>AN: Just letting you know that despite the last line of this I'm not going to dwell on the details, you guys can make up your own mind about the scars and such like. Just a couple of chapters left and a small epilogue so all thoughts welcome at this stage :)<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Home, sweet home for Jack :) And time to tie up one or two other small loose end that I'm sure you're wondering about...**

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><p>It had only been a couple of days but already they were starting to fall into a routine. Sam would rise before Jack and make a start in the kitchen. Since they had come back to his house they had slept in separate bedrooms. For various reasons it seemed way too soon even to sleep beside each other. Primarily because Jack was still in a massive amount of pain and Sam was worried she might hurt him. On this particular morning she was changing the filter in the coffee machine when her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. "Carter." she answered quickly. There was only one place that would be ringing at this hour of the morning. Sure enough Daniel's voice was on the other end.<p>

"We found them Sam. We actually found Vala and Cam!"

Sam flooded with relief. "That's fantastic Daniel, where were they?"

"Ah, right where we left them actually. Vala decided to try out some weird necklace thing and woosh, you guessed it. Phase shift 101."

"No way! So that's what that weird symbol meant."

"Yep, I really should have figured it out but hey there you go. They are both fine, Carolyn is really excited by the way, I think she might just be about ready to make her relationship with Cam public knowledge."

"Well thank god for that, it's about time!"

"That's for sure. So long as Cam survives telling General Landry he's more than professionally interested in his daughter!"

"Oh please Landry already knows. You think there's anything that go on on the base that he's not aware off?"

There was a small silence on the other end as Daniel took on board the double meaning of her words, he cleared his throat. "So...how are things with you?"

Sam let her friend off the hook, for now. "Oh, they're fine Daniel. It's been a tiring couple of days but we're getting there. The new fittings in the house are great. Although..." Sam glanced over her shoulder down the hall to Jack's bedroom checking that his door was fully closed. "...if you feel like dropping by later I'd appreciate it." she kept her voice low. "I think Jack could use the company, he's been moping about a bit, not a lot but enough to have me worried. Come by watch a DVD or something, maybe not everybody just yet but certainly Teal'c."

"Sure thing Sam, can't leave you on your own with a mopey Jack, even you couldn't take_ that_ much sarcasm! It'll probably be later rather than earlier by the time I've shirked Vala."

"Oh you love it Daniel, don't try and deny it. You spent more time than anyone on the search rosta and there's only one reason for that and you know it."

Daniel simply bypassed the statement. "Anyway, I'll see you later Sam. We'll bring pizza too and we'll have a good old fashioned team night."

"Perfect Daniel. Wish the guys all the best from me and I'll see you later, bye." Sam flipped her phone closed and turned round.

"Boo!" said Jack and she nearly hit the roof.

"Gee god Jack, you half frightened the life right out of me. You are too quiet in that thing. I'm going to have to tie bells onto you or something." Jack gave her his best innocent look, pleased that his plan had worked. "What are you doing out of bed anyhow, you are suppose to wait until I come in and help you. What if you had fallen over?"

"Well I didn't. I heard you talking and wondered who it was to that's all." Jack wheeled himself over and lifted his mug out of its new spot in the bottom cupboard. "The guys turned up then?" he asked a lot more casually than he felt. He was still a little irked that they had kept that info from him for so long. If Daniel hadn't insisted he might still not know the truth.

Sam picked up on the edge below his words but decided it was best to ignore it. "They are both absolutely fine, turns out they never left. Phase shifted."

Jack turned his head to look at Sam, his eyebrows doing that whole I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that thing. "Phase shifted? You know that one never gets old. I still don't understand how something can be both present and not present at the same time."

"It's quite simple really, you see when a..."

"Aaaghhh!" Jack held up his hand. "No, no, no techno-babble, you'll give me a migraine and to be perfectly honest..." he grinned expansively. "I have something else on my mind this morning."

"Oh and what might that be?" Sam knew exactly what was on Jack O'Neill's mind, it was perfectly obvious through his shorts, she just wasn't sure if she was ready yet.

Jack set the cup on the counter. "Come over here." he asked softly. He could see the doubt playing on her mind. "Nothing too serious, just...I want you close. I miss you Sam."

Sam Carter blushed, she knew what he meant and she had been feeling it herself for a while no so she made her way over and took his outstretched left hand.

Without warning he pulled her down into his lap. "Ja-ack!" she complained.

The General in O'Neill clamped down on the tendrils of pain, keeping them as far from his face as he could. "That is so much better." he lied then after a moment he said genuinely "I've missed this closeness Sam." He pulled her tighter.

"Me too but I don't want to hurt you." she whispered as she leaned into him despite her own reservations.

"Oh nonsense, I'm fine, besides I was told to keep up with my exercise routine and I think you can help me with that."

Sam narrowed her eyes at his insinuation. "I doubt that was what Doctor Patterson had in mind."

"Yeah well he also said I would learn to recognise my own limitations and right now..." He took Sam's hand and helped her find the skin on his chest through his half closed robe. Instantly she began tracing small circles like she always used to do. "Right now I have a very specific need that I want only you can take care of, help a guy out Carter?"

With Jack's insistence and reassurance Sam's hand encountered the nature of his need and slowly she gave in to the desire that was building between them. It seemed like it had been a long time and if Jack felt he was ready she didn't see how she could deny him. Suddenly committed she fell on his lips with vigour and before long they both set aside the physical limitations of Jack and his chair and were well on their way towards tentatively renewing the boundaries of their relationship.

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><p><strong>AN: One last chapter guys. I warned you at the beginning it would be a little OC so expect a some soppy happy ending stuff :) Will post as soon as I reread and do a sweep of my spelling and grammar and some general housekeeping etc. <strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Total honesty inbound and perhaps one cliché sweeping gesture, you decide if it is too cheesy or not but I like it :)**

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><p>Jack lay with Sam in his arms. "That was amazing." he whispered as she settled against him. "Maybe you should take control more often?"<p>

"I'd like that. It always seemed to be you in charge before." She looked up into his questioning eyes, it was time. "I don't mean just in the bedroom Jack, I mean all the time." Sam stretched up onto one elbow, the bed sheet wrapped around herself. "I know it's in your nature Jack, you wouldn't be who you are now if you didn't take the initiative, it's just sometimes it's difficult for me to take."

"How do you mean?" Jack ran his fingers gently through her hair, trying to soothe her, she had gone completely tense and he knew that meant she could clam up on him and he didn't want that. That was where they had gone wrong the last time...both of them.

Sam sighed, it really was now or never. "Like for example." she closed her eyes. "That night of the accident. You didn't give me the choice about going out, you already had it all planned before you told me. I felt trapped."

"Trapped?" Now Jack was really worried. He knew things had been bad but for her to feel...god! He tried to move up onto one elbow but Sam stopped him before he caused himself pain.

"No, not trapped, that's the wrong word...I felt like...like if I had said no it would have lead to a row and lets face it we'd been having enough of them to last a lifetime at that stage. God I can't believe that was only like a month ago." Sam dipped her head as yet again her secret bubbled it way up to her conscious mind, she pushed it away opting to lay her head on his shoulder so he wouldn't see that she was hiding something even bigger than the need to have this conversation. "I love you Jack and maybe I'm just being overly sensitive because for so many years you were my CO. But I'll try harder not to take things like your spontaneous gestures so personally from now on, I promise."

Jack closed his eyes as Sam's words vibrated through his chest. "I am so sorry Sweetheart. I never meant to make you feel like that. Maybe what you say is true and I kind of did just expect you to drop everything for me. I don't know, I find it hard to see it that way but I promise I'll be more considerate in the future. You did look quite happy with that book I've got to admit. It's just...that night was our six month anniversary and I wanted to do something nice to surprise you."

Sam went completely still as she did the math. "Oh my god. So it was, I'm so sorry Jack, I didn't even remember." She looked up into his eyes and he smiled weakly at her. "God I feel like such an idiot. How could I not have realised that, I'm so selfish." Inside she kicked herself.

"Hey, hey, hey, no your not." It took quite a lot of effort but he managed to place his right hand under her chin. "Don't be so hard on yourself. How many different planets had you been on and how many different time zones and moon cycles did you flick through. You know none of us could ever keep track of dates when we were all zooming back and forth across the galaxy. I didn't expect you to remember, in fact I was kind of hoping you would forget."

"You were?" now Sam was beyond confused.

Jack took a fraction of a breath. "Open the second drawer down on my side."

Sam shifted hesitantly and looked for confirmation before she tugged on the handle (proving that habits were hard to break). Inside was a small sapphire blue box with a pale blue ribbon. She lifted it out and examined it. "It's rectangular?" she observed.

"Technically it's a cuboid Sam, you should know that." He grinned when she narrowed her eyes at him. "Go ahead, open it."

Carter gently began to undo the bow, she was suddenly nervous, what had he gotten her? She clicked off the lid and peered inside. Completely bemused she lifted out an old, rusty iron key. Lost for words she looked from it to him and back again a few times waiting for an explanation.

Jack lay casually staring at the ceiling, he knew it had been a dumb idea but it didn't matter. "The way I figure it Sam you've already got a key to my front door, my back door, my car, my cabin, I even know you know my internet banking codes so there was no point in giving you any of that but this key is different."

"Different how, what does it open?"

"Nothing." he stated being deliberately vaguely.

"Nothing?" Sam leaned in over him so she could get a better look at his face, make him make eye-contact as he spoke.

"It's symbolic." he teased with that all knowing smile.

Sam looked at the half banged up old piece of metal, what could it possible represent? She shook her head with a fascinated smile. She may be a certified genius but when it came to O'Neill riddles sometimes she just didn't have a clue. "I give up, tell me."

"Already?" he pretended to be disappointed. "Al-l-r-right, I'll tell you." he said with a huge exaggerated sigh. "It's the key to my clunky old heart Sam. Well that's what it represents, not that you need it."

Sam was left utterly speechless by the gift. "And you were going to give me this that night? Even though we were doing nothing but fighting?"

"Yep. I know it's corny but..." Jack felt the floodgates open. "You won me over a long time ago and no amount of upset and bickering could ever change that. I always want you close to me, even when it's hard." He paused for a moment, maybe he should actually tell her about what he remembered in the whiteness. "It was you that brought me back Sam, after the crash, it was your lips and your voice that called me home. I was already gone but you helped me remember and I came back for you. I love you Sam and nothing will ever change that. You are my world and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Now don't take me wrong that's not a proposal, we're not quite there yet but it is a promise...move in with me Sam."

Sam crushed her lips against her lovers, she had heard enough. "I love you too Jack O'Neill and I will never leave you. If anything I learned how much I can't live without you and I thought that would be scary but it's not, it's really, really not. I accept your invitation and your key and I promise to keep it safe no matter where I am. I just wish I had something to give you in return."

"It's alright, your heart doesn't have a key." Jack informed her intent on deflecting the attention away from him.

"It doesn't?"

"No it has a cipher-encrypted code."

"Oh ha ha."

"It does and I already worked out the answer."

"You have?"

"Yep." Jack looked deep into Sam wondrously blue eyes. "It's 'fishing'."

Sam was stunned for a moment. "But that's my old pc password. I told it to Cam when the Ori tried to blow us up, what is it now?" she challenged.

Jack pulled Sam's head close and kissed her deeply. "I said the password to your heart, not your pc. Someone as smart as Sam Carter would never keep active a revealed password, but I know you and I know what that word means to you. We went fishing after Janet died, just you and me, remember?"

"How could I ever forget? That night was truly amazing. I often wondered how something so wrong could be so right, but now I understand. You were definitely worth the wait Jack O'Neill."

"As were you." he said quietly. "Now would you mind getting off me for a while, you are starting to hurt my back."

"Oh sorry." Sam shifted with a jerk and Jack hissed.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Maybe you can just help me up, this position really plays havoc after a while."

"Sure."

oOo

MINI EPILOGUE

Sam helped Jack get up and get dressed. By the time Daniel called round later that day with Teal'c things had well and truly changed for Jack and Sam. They had talked through everything in a truly open and honest way that was new to both of them. Parts of it were painful and like most home truths they would take a while to completely sink in but Jack felt confident that his coming to depend on Sam whilst he regained his independence would prove just the thing to sort out the imbalance in their lives and Sam in turn would very shortly reveal her secret and give Jack that final motivation he needed to literally get back on his feet. I mean he couldn't possibly be expected to coach Little-League from a wheelchair now could he?

END

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><p><strong>AN: And so that's it. I'm actually a little sad it's over. Took me over a year to get this one finished and that is it, there will be no follow-ons. I'm done with Jack and Sam fighting, getting hurt and making up. It seems to me that only they are the ones that can truly make up, the rest of us just get the fighting and getting hurt bit...oh well! Thanks for sticking with it folks, I appreciate the high four digit number on my stat page, you guys are...well as Jack would put it in this fic...amazing and kinda beautiful :) <strong>


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